NICU - Day 21

Happy 3 week birthday to Charlie and Alex!

Today, they dangled the proverbial carrot in front of us before snatching it away. The nurse this morning at the boys 11 AM feeding talked about how it should be possible for us to move to the transition area this afternoon. Silly me, my mind started thinking of what I needed to go home and pack and how long that would mean we would have left here at the hospital. Of course, by the time we got ready to leave after that feeding, we found out that we wouldn't be moving after all. It turns out that the babies that were to be discharged today didn't go home after all. . . so they said maybe tomorrow. I am to the point now where I won't believe it until we are actually in the room.

Both boys did well at their 11 AM feeding and were wide awake for our whole visit. We stayed until almost one o'clock when Charlie started to get heavy-eyed. They had also eaten their entire bottles at their 8 AM feeding, so that is a positive as well.

Lucy decided she wanted to go see her brothers tonight, so we all went up after we had dinner. The boys ate well and Lucy seemed to have a good time talking to her brothers and telling them that she was their big sister. We didn't stay long though - Alex was ready to go back to sleep and Lucy needed to get home to go to bed. Charlie had been weighed when we got there and he was up to 5 lbs, 4.7 oz. Alex hadn't been weighed yet but he has to be close to the 5 lb mark! Their nurse remarked on how big they are getting - she had them sometime last week and so after not seeing them for several days, you really can see how much they have changed!


Enjoy a few pictures from our evening below:

Big sister Lucy with Daddy and Alex

My favorite story of the evening was when we asked Lucy how many kids Mommy would have at home when the boys came home. (She had been counting how many boys and how many girls would be at our house.) Lucy's answer was :FOUR! She pointed to herself, Alex, Charlie, and Daddy. :) Little does she know how right she is - ha ha! ;)

Big Sister Lucy with Grammy and Charlie. . . notice her crazy smile. . 

Obviously our second attempt wasn't much better. . . 

Lucy, "holding" Alex

One happy family :)

Lucy's favorite story of the evening is that while she was holding Alex, he pooped three times in a row on her hand! (Don't worry, not actually on her!) So if anyone asks her about her brothers, be prepared to hear that story.

We attempted to take a family photo. . . The first one is great, except for Lucy's face (She was getting tired by this point)

And here's the second attempt. . .better, but a little blurry. . .

NICU - Day 20

Another day without a move. . . this is getting old. Once again, nurses and doctors talk about the ever elusive transition room but no changes have been made yet. Both boys did well at their 11 AM feeding. We didn't stay long because they both immediately fell asleep afterwards. They had been bottle fed at their 8 AM feeding, so I guess they were tired from all that work. We are trying our best to have them be awake for all their feedings so that we can get their NG tubes removed - one more step towards home.

At their 8 PM feeding, both boys did well. They had woken up on their own at 7:30 so that is a great sign in their readiness to start cue based feedings. They also had been bottle fed at 5 PM as well so we are definitely moving in the right direction as far as feedings go. Charlie had a lot of difficulty settling down this evening after he ate. Usually he eats and then will be awake and alert for a little while but will be very content. Tonight, he was extremely fidgety and you could tell he was uncomfortable. He finally seemed to calm himself and doze off at 9:45, but when I placed him down in his bed, he got fidgety again. The nurse said that he had a lot of gas after his 5 PM feeding and he had some with me as well, so she was going to give him something for that. Hopefully, he will be able to get some rest. It was so hard to have to leave him knowing that he wasn't content. I know that he is being well taken care of, but it breaks my heart that it isn't by me.

Michael and I both would like to ask the doctor tomorrow if it is completely necessary for us to go to transition before we go home. Of course, we want what is best for the boys. But if the transition is simply to help us know what to do when we have to care for the boys on our own . . . well, I think we're ready to handle it. After all, we brought home a little girl 3 years ago who was smaller than the boys are now, who was a much worse eater than either of the boys and she was also a week younger than they both are right now. So while there are two of them, we have dealt with their types of issues before. We'll see what they say - there are still a few other things that have to be checked off the list before they come home anyway. We are just tired of waiting. Everyone says these boys are ready to move on but no one seems to be doing anything about it.

Thanks to everyone for their prayers for our sweet boys and for us during this time. We have definitely felt them over these past three weeks. Our God is in control and He knows exactly what Charlie and Alex need. . . please pray that we can be patient and wait for His perfect timing.

Meeting with the Physical Therapist

Yesterday, we met with the physical therapist who assessed the boys development. They are right on target for what you would expect for babies that are 37 weeks gestational age. She sat and discussed many things to keep in mind when we went home with the boys about how to help them as well as what to expect in their development. Some of the things we talked about were things we learned the hard way when Lucy was born and some were things that I wish I had known when we brought Lucy home at 35 weeks gestational age!

She reminded us that while the boys are 3 weeks old chronologically, they are still developmentally not at full term. For about the first two years, they will be about 6 weeks behind what "term" babies are accomplishing. They will eventually close that learning gap, but for the first little while, our expectations should relate to them according to their gestational age. (Example: When they are two months old, they will act like 2 week old boys. . . when they are six months old, they will act like about 4 1/2 month olds, etc.) We went through this with Lucy as well. For the first year, she picked things up about a month later than other babies. She quickly closed that gap though and since then, she has even been slightly ahead of others her age. (Sorry - just had to brag for a minute! :)  )

One of the most interesting things I learned from the physical therapist was about they boys sensory development. Hearing develops in utero starting around 32 weeks. The stimulus for vision to finish developing is when light hits the baby's eyes. So for the boys, having been born at 34 weeks and then having the light hit their eyes 6 weeks early, both vision and hearing are trying to develop simultaneously. This can cause hearing and vision to have to compete for development. In order to help with this, it is important that we keep the visual stimuli the boys see limited to faces as well as things in their natural environment. The PT said to hold off on introducing any toys that had flashing lights or movement until they are about one month developmental age (For Alex and Charlie, that will be when they are 10 weeks old). It's also important to provide them with plenty of sounds - singing, talking, reading books, etc. Sounds need to be kept at a lower volume however because they are used to hearing things muffled in the womb. They already recognize Mommy, Daddy, and Lucy's voices and respond to those. In fact, while Alex was being assessed and I was getting ready to feed Charlie the other day, Alex quit paying attention to the PT and turned his head looking for me because he heard me talking to his brother! ;)

She also talked about the importance of helping the boys to avoid overstimulation. At this stage, their abilities to interact with others is limited and can quickly tire them out. She discussed how feeding is a lot of work for them so they will often close their eyes while eating so as to shut out their other senses - they aren't necessarily falling asleep. I had noticed this with them a lot so it was nice to have  a reason behind it. It also reinforces the importance of having a nice, calm, quiet environment for meal times. The boys also are only capable of looking at other for brief amounts of time. When they are tired, they will avert their gaze or close their eyes to let you know they need a break. Again, we have seen both of these behaviors from them - when they get to this behavior, it's important to make sure to let them take a break so they won't be overstimulated. Another very important aspect is to not let them be held and passed around too much. Too much movement along with so many new faces and voices can really wear them out. For this reason, once they come home, we will probably wait a while before bringing them to church. We so want everyone to be able to see them and love on them but we don't want it to be an unpleasant experience for the boys.

A baby's brain is developing and growing in utero up to 39 weeks and when babies are born early, they don't have the same amount of development as those babies that go to term. The only chance premature babies have to let their brains grow is during their deep cycles of REM sleep. If their brains are not able to have that time to develop properly, it can lead to things like an added risk for ADD/ADHD. When they come home, they will still need the opportunity to have this deep sleep that they have been able to have while being in the NICU. So when they are sleeping, we'll try our best to keep noise (AKA Lucy!) to a minimum as well as any other distractions. When they are sleeping, they need to be in their crib, allowing them to get into that deep sleep cycle. There will be plenty of time to play and interact but these first few weeks at home, they will still need a chance to let their brains rest and grow.

She also reiterated the importance of back to sleep as well as moving their head placement when we lay them down each night. She encouraged us to let them co bed at this stage since it is comforting for them to be together, but to make sure to alternate their positions so they won't develop a flat spot . . . we are prepared for that one! After Lucy, I really would love to avoid having to purchase two lovely DOC bands!

We talked about tummy time as well, which we already knew the importance of. Hopefully they will tolerate time on their tummy better than their sister did at that age! As they grow, we will continue to meet with her outside of the hospital just to have them assessed in their developmental skills. This way, if there appears to be some sort of delay in their development, we can catch it early and be able to give them the appropriate therapy (physical therapy, occuapational therapy, speech/language therapy. . . you know!) needed to allow them to progress forward with their development.

It was so great to sit and talk with her about all of these things. I wish someone had this conversation with me before we left the hospital with Lucy -  I could have used all of this information. 34 week babies though most often can develop without too many delays and most of them have no developmental issues as they grow. While our beginning will consist of a lot of eating and sleeping (for them, not so much for us!), they will grow up all too quickly - we'll try not to blink so we don't miss a thing.

NICU - Day 19

Lots and lots to tell from today. . . I'll write a more detailed entry tomorrow. . . 

I went up to see the boys at 11 today. The physical therapist was with them, assessing their development. Both boys were doing exactly what was expected for their gestational age (37 weeks). I fed both the boys and then the PT came back and we sat and talked about what to expect developmentally for the boys as we prepare to go home. I'll write a more detailed entry about this conversation another day because I found it fascinating. So many of the things she talked about were things that we learned the hard way with Lucy. . . looking back, I wish we had known all of this back then!

Both boys ate well at their 11 feeding and while Michael and I sat with them, our nurse came over and we went through the checklist of everything that needed to be taken care of before we head home. It was a nice feeling to be able to check off so many goals that the boys have already met, as well as get a few different paperwork things out of the way. All that's left is to have the boys move to cue based feedings (waking up on their own to eat, eating what they want when they want and being able to continue to gain weight), the hearing test, circumcision, car seat test, and another meeting with the lactation team to talk about appointments and what to expect at home. There are also a couple of videos that we have to watch about bringing premature babies home and infant CPR. It sounds like a lot, but really most of it can be done when we are in the transition area. Still no set date, but all the nurses we have talked to seem to feel like the boys are going to head there over the weekend.

We came back for their 8 PM feeding and both boys were ready to go! They both ate extremely well and were alert for our whole visit. In fact, both boys were still awake when we had to leave. Charlie's weight is up to 5 lbs, 2 oz and Alex is catching up to him at 4 lbs, 10 oz. They both have almost gained a whole pound in the past three weeks! It sounds crazy, but they both look so big now! Obviously, if we set them next to a full term baby, it would be obvious how small they still are. . . but compared to where we started, they have come such a long way!

We love our boys so much and are so thankful for their continued growth and improvement. :)

And a new photo for you . . .

Sweet little boys, ready for bed! 

Aren't they just too cute???

NICU - Day 18

Again, another good day. . . baby steps forward. . . .

The boys have been detached from their pulse oxygen monitors! We have one less wire to deal with - yay! We are especially thrilled about this because that wire was so short and made it so difficult to move around. At least now, we can turn to reach for something without pulling at something on the boys.

Both Charlie and Alex have been started on vitamins to go along with the breastmilk. We used to have to give Lucy the same thing so that was no surprise. They both nursed well at our 11 AM and 8 PM visit. We got to see one of the neonatalogists this morning and he was telling us that our wait for the transition room had more to do with availability rather than readiness on the part of the boys. He is very pleased with their progress and feels they will be ready to go home soon.

The nurse had not had a chance to weigh them when we got there this evening, so I'm not sure what their weights are for today. However, Charlie has to be close to 5 lbs now and Alex is quickly filling out. The more weight Alex gains, the more he and Charlie look alike. It's obvious they are not identical, but they are very clearly brothers! ;) I'll try to get some new pictures up soon.

Progress is being made towards coming home, however slow it may seem at times. I have to keep reminding myself that while these boys have been here for almost 3 weeks, they are actually only 37 weeks gestational age. So bringing them home anytime before their due date of September 19th means that we are bringing them home early.  We have been blessed with two very healthy little boys - they just need a little time to grow and catch up.

NICU - Day 17 ( a day late)

The boys had a good day yesterday - I didn't post because by the time we got home from this NICU last night, all I wanted to do was go to bed . . . so I did!

Michael and I had a small dose of reality at their 11:00 AM feeding. Charlie was awake and ready to eat. He started pitching a fit because he wasn't getting fed fast enough. I was trying to get him calmed down to nurse and then Alex decided to join in the fun and started crying along with him. His cries got louder and louder as Michael took his temperature and changed his diaper. Just to remind his Daddy who was in charge, he peed all over the bed, his outfit, the blankets. . . everything! It was a crazy few minutes there with both boys all worked up. They did both quickly settle down though, but wow - they are not afraid to let you know what they think. I can't wait though for more of those hectic moments though because they will be here at home!

Neither of the boys were to awake for their 11 AM feeding, which was a little frustrating. (They used up so much energy crying, I guess!) When eating is the only barrier preventing them from coming home, it's disheartening when things don't always go well. They did much better at their 8 PM feeding so that was good. The feeding team had come by at their 2 PM feeding and made the decision to switch the type of bottles they were using. I'm still not quite sure I understand why - the reason they gave was that the new type was easier for preemie babies to handle. Of course, they hadn't seem to have any problems with the ones before that we were aware of. They did well with these new ones though, so things should be fine.

Charlie's weight was up to 4 lbs, 14 oz by the end of the day and Alex was at 4 lbs, 6.1 oz. They seem to enjoy being together again as they share their crib. And nothing warms this Mommy's heart more than seeing both of them cuddled up together, sleeping peacefully.

So overall, another good day. . . no move to transition yet. At this point in time, it is more a question of availability than readiness for the boys. Hopefully we can transition in the next day or so and then be home by the weekend. Please continue to pray that we have patience. . . I am so ready to have them home and so tired of having to say goodbye.

NICU - Day 16 (Part 2)

 Two big boys in a crib!

Charlie and Alex are both doing well! We went back up to visit them this evening - both ate well and are maintaining their temperature like they are supposed to. One of the nurses even stopped us this evening and wanted to know if we would be able to move to the transition room even as early as tomorrow. Of course!!! Hopefully that means that they boys will be home by the end of the week! This is one excited Mommy!

Having the boys home will also hopefully help Lucy - she has had a really difficult few days and has been pretty clingy. I know all of this is difficult for her to understand and we have thrown a lot of change into her little life in the past two weeks. Once the boys come home, life will change again, but at least this will be a permanent change and she can begin to adjust to a new normal. Life with babies in the NICU hasn't been easy on Michael and I as parents, but it as has been difficult for my sweet little three year old as well. :(

And finally, here's a picture of Daddy holding both of his boys! :) It was hard to get Alex over with them due to the wires, but we did. Now we're just counting down the days until we are completely wire free. .. .it's getting closer very day!

NICU - Day 15 and 16

Sorry I didn't post last night. . . Michael and I decided to watch a movie and it was late when it ended. The boys had a great day yesterday - Charlie is holding his own temperature in his bed and taking fewer feeds by ng tube. He nursed well when I was there at 11:00 - he woke up as I got there, as if he knew that it was time to see his Mommy! :) He also did well at 8:00 too. Alex was finishing up his phototherapy, but he did well at his 11:00 feeding. He was sound asleep at 8:00 though so we didn't wake him up. I got to hold both boys for a little while at their 11:00 feeding - they didn't seem very interested in each other, but it was wonderful to get to sit and look at them side by side.

Poppa went by and visited for a while and then Mama Mae, Gramma, and Pappy came by that evening. We can't wait for the boys to be awake and alert enough to meet everyone. :) The boys had also gained weight that evening as well - Alex was up to 4 lbs, 4 oz. and Charlie is at 4 lbs, 11.3 oz (what Lucy weighed when we brought her home).


I went up for the boys 11:00 feeding today. . . Michael and Lucy went to church. Alex's bilirubin levels are down to 5.2 so he is no longer under the lights. He had maintained his temperature on his own all morning, so after I fed him this morning, he moved into the bed next to his brother. Both boys were doing well. . .still growing and improving every day. Now that we are in the crib, I think that we are in the NICU home stretch. Hopefully, on Monday we will see their doctor and find out what the plan is as to getting them ready to come home. The only barrier at this point, I believe, is getting them to eat all of their meals without their tubes.

NICU - Day 14

Alex and Charlie are now two weeks old!


And look who's moved into a big boy crib!!

Charlie in his big boy crib

They are going to let Charlie try and maintain his temperature on his own now. His weight has reached 4 lbs, 8.8 oz so this should be very manageable for him. He is bundled up tight though to help him as he adjusts to life outside the incubator. Just another step toward coming home!

Both boys have had a good day. We went at 11 this morning for their feeding and had the lactation specialist come and do a pre/post weight at their feeding. Charlie nursed for about 25 minutes and took in 22 ccs of milk. . . a little over half of his regular feed. For a preemie, this is what is expected. So this helps us have an idea of what to supplement after he nurses. We will have to do this for a while until he is able to become strong enough to get everything on his own. It takes a lot of work and energy for a little guy like this! Alex on the other hand, only nursed for about 15 minutes and got 19 ccs of milk. That's also just slightly over half of his feed. He probably could have gotten a full feed if he had nursed for 20-25 minutes. . poor baby just got tired! Charlie ate the rest of his through a bottle and Charlie had the rest of his fed through his tube. Both boys stayed awake and alert for the rest of the time we were there . . .again, almost two hours of alert time! Wow! Charlie was still awake when we had to leave - if he had been at home, he would have been ready for some play time!

This evening, I was going to try and nurse them both at the same time. However, both boys while awake, were not in much of a mood to do any work. So I held Charlie while he had his feed through his tube and Michael fed Alex most of his bottle. (He got the rest in his tube after we left) Alex was unhooked from his monitors so we got to sit with both boys together. The nurse came back after a while though and bundled Charlie up for bed. Alex was still finishing his bottle, so he sat with us while the nurse finished working with one of the other babies across from the boys.

Mommy and Alex 

So since Alex wasn't hooked up to his monitors and we could move him as we pleased, we decided to go ahead and see how Alex looked in the crib next to his brother. Alex isn't quite ready to move to the big boy crib - he still needs another day or so under the photo therapy lights. His weight is up to 4 lbs, 1.5 oz and so as soon as he finishes his therapy, he can join his brother too. I like to think that they will be glad to be back near each other again! :)

Daddy and his boys

Charlie and Alex - the cutest boys around! :)

Home is getting closer every day. . . hopefully we will be talking about moving to the transition room sometime next week! I guess we will see over the weekend - Alex's jaundice needs to disappear and they both need to be able to hold their temperatures. We'll see what happens tomorrow!

NICU - Day 13

Day by day . . . slowly but surely . . . step by step. . . 

Another day of growing for Alex and Charlie. Michael and I got to the NICU around 11:30 today only to find out that the boys had already eaten. Apparently, their feed times got moved up an hour and somehow we missed finding out. Their schedule had been to eat at 12-3-6-9 but now it's 11-2-5-8. They were both in deep sleep so we didn't stay long at that visit. We decided instead to come back for their five o'clock feeding and let Lucy see her brothers since it has been a few days.

When we got there, I nursed Charlie and Michael bottle-fed Alex. We had planned to do a pre/post weight check of Charlie after nursing but had to reschedule that for tomorrow. He did pretty well so I traded off and let Grammy have a turn to see him.

Lucy, talking to Alex before his bottle

 

MMM. . . yummy!

 

Lucy was so well behaved while we were there! She talked to her brothers, used her indoor voice, and didn't run around. . . playing games on Mommy's phone probably helped! (whatever works, right?)

 

 Grammy and Charlie

Charlie seemed content after eating . . . until about 30 minutes later. The nurse brought him about half of his feed in a bottle, so Grammy topped him off. He nursed well, so he shouldn't have been hungry, but he may be growing a bit more this week. Last night, I held him right after he had his full feeding through his ng tube and he still was acting as if he wanted more.

I held Alex for a while after he finished eating. Lucy sat with me and told Alex all about her day at school.

Alex is back under the photo therapy lights again. His bilirubin level went up to a 10.9 from what his chart said. . . I seemed to remember when Lucy was under the lights that they were looking for a level of 7 or under. Hopefully one more day will help him get rid of his jaundice.

Mommy and Alex

 One of the two sweetest boys in the world

 Both boys stayed awake for most of the two hours that we were there, which is impressive! We said goodbye around 6:15 as it was time for the nurses' shift change and headed to dinner. We tried the new restaurant, "Juicy Lucy" on 25. .  if you live in the Asheville area, you have to go. It's delicious!!

Lucy loves that her name is everywhere at this restaurant! :)

 

Michael and I ran back by the hospital after dinner, just to see if the boys would be awake for their 8 PM feeding. They were both really sleepy, which I expected since they had been awake for so long earlier. We stayed long enough to find out their weights for the day (Charlie is now 4 lbs, 8.2 oz. and Alex is 4 lbs, .5 oz.) and then we headed home. Alex probably would weigh a little more if he hadn't been under the lights all day. The nurse explained that those lights take a lot of moisture out of their bodies. . . we should see a bigger difference in weight once he's finished with them. 

Overall, a good day for the boys. I had hopes that they might be coming home at the beginning of next week, but that's not going to happen - they just aren't ready. Maybe the end of next week. . .we'll see. I know in my head that what is best for them is to be there and I want them to have everything that they need. But my heart is getting tired of having to say goodbye every night. . . I'm ready to have my whole family together under one roof. But I know there is a purpose for this period of waiting. I know that even when I leave them, their Heavenly Father is still there. He is watching them, protecting them, helping them to grow.  May I be able to learn to be still. . . to have the patience to know that in His time, Alex and Charlie will be ready to come home.

NICU - Day 12

A quick update for tonight - I am exhausted!!

The boys are both continuing to do well. Charlie was up to 4 lbs, 7 oz. this evening and Alex has broken the 4 lb mark! (He is 4 lbs, .35 oz.) We saw them at our 11:00 visit and I fed both of them. Alex seemed to have nursed but we weighed him before and after he ate and the scale showed he hadn't gotten anything. However, both the lactation consultant and I knew he had gotten something because you could hear him swallowing. So. .  he finished up with a bottle while we were there. Charlie nursed well so he was fine - we will do a pre/post weight check with him tomorrow.

This evening, we got a late start because of church activities, so Charlie had already eaten when we arrived and Alex was sleepy so he was being fed through his tube. So I sat and cuddled with Charlie and once Alex's feed was done, Michael held him. Alex spit up a little on Michael - just enough to remind you of all the fun that is to come once those boys get home. :)

Again, we're so thankful for their continued improvement each day. We are truly blessed.

NICU - Day 11

More of the same again today - resting and growing boys! We got there around 11:00 this morning and saw the neonatologist. He talked with us a little about thinking about moving the boys to a transition room as early as this weekend. No definite date was given - things depend on how well the boys do with their eating, whether they can maintain their own temperature, when a room becomes available. . . lots of factors to consider. The transition room is not a necessary step towards coming home but it offers us an opportunity to be with the boys on our own and meet their needs all while they are still hooked up to the monitors and everything. This way, we can begin to figure out how in the world to care for two little ones at the same time while help is still right around the corner. I am hoping that all of this means that they will be coming home sometime next week, but again, we're going to be doing what is best for them.

Charlie had a good feeding this morning but was really sleepy when we went back this evening. Alex was the opposite. He wouldn't eat at all while we were there this afternoon. We finally had to let them feed him through his tube because he refused to eat at all. However, this evening he was alert and ready to go. He nursed for 30 minutes and then was still awake after so I got to cuddle and talk with him for a bit. The nurse had weighed Alex when we got there this evening - he is 3 lbs, 15.3 oz . . .so close to 4 lbs!! Charlie hadn't been weighed yet, but I imagine he has gained a little as well.

This afternoon, the nurse said she thinks that Charlie is ready to make a move to a crib, but they are going to wait for a day or two to give Alex and chance to catch up so they can make the transition together. Both boys are doing all they can to be ready to come home. We are so thankful for all these positive steps forward and so blessed by all the wonderful staff at Mission who are caring for our boys. Leaving them gets harder every time (Alex grabbed onto my shirt as I was putting him back in the incubator this afternoon and it was all I could do to leave him there!) - but every day brings us one step closer to having them home.

NICU - Day 10

Another day of baby steps forward! We went up to the NICU around 11:30 so I could feed Charlie this morning. He nursed well without needing a supplemental bottle afterwards. I only got to cuddle with him for a short amount of time though because Alex was ready to eat right after that. Alex also nursed well without needing a bottle and he and I sat together for quite a while after he was done. He is finished being under the photo therapy lights and his skin color really does look much better. Both the boys are now dressed in little preemie outfits. . . even those outfits look so big on them! But they look so precious and it won't be long until they can fill those outfits in!

We went back again this evening around 8:00. (Thanks to the Potters for staying with Lucy!) The nurse had just weighed Alex - he is now up to 3 lbs, 13.5 oz! She was getting ready to weigh Charlie and he is now 4 lbs, 5 oz. Because of this added weight for him, it means that they will begin to slowly turn down the heat in his incubator to see how he tolerates holding his own body temperature up where it needs to be. This is just another step towards being ready to come home! I nursed Charlie and he did well but quickly fell back asleep. Alex was a little sleepy this evening, and not very interested in much of anything. After taking his temperature and changing his diaper and everything, he finally decided he would eat for  little bit. He nursed for about 7-8 minutes and then decided he was done. Michael tried to feed him a bottle but he would push his little lips together as if to say, "just try to make me eat!" Whenever Michael would finally get the bottle in his mouth, he would scrunch up his little face as if you were trying to force him to eat something awful. We finally decided to just let him sleep, since that's obviously what he wanted to do. He was going to get the rest of the bottle through his NG tube. . . slowly, since he had already eaten some with me. But a few extra calories won't hurt that boy. . . he still needs to reach 4 lbs before they can even let him try to maintain his body temperature on his own.

Overall, another good day. It just gets harder and harder to leave them every time. We are so thankful though that they continue to grow and thrive and are counting down the days until the whole Flack family can be together under one roof!

NICU Day 9

Since today was Sunday, our schedule had to be a little different today. We went to church and then everyone was in need of a nap after lunch. We got up to the NICU around 5:00 this evening. The nurse said that both the boys had been "all boy" that day. She never did say what caused Charlie to get riled up, but apparently Alex had been giving her fits by trying to remove his "sunglasses" during his phototherapy as well as trying to pull out his NG tube. But it's reassuring to know that they know what they want and aren't afraid to let you know it! :)

Charlie's weight is up to 4 lbs, 3.8 oz so he is just above his birth weight. . . every little bit counts! He was dressed in a little sleeper today. I took his temp and changed his diaper and got him ready to eat at about 5:30. I wasn't sure if he was going to wake up for it or not, but he nursed for about 10 minutes before he started to drift off. So I handed him off to Michael who gave him a full bottle (his feeds are 30 ccs now) and went over to see what Alex was up to.

Alex was under the phototherapy lights again all day today and will be under them again all day tomorrow. His jaundice is still really prominent. They are also fortifying the breastmilk that he receives by bottle or his NG tube. This little boy is eating 33 ccs every 3 hours, but his weight is still hovering right around 3 lbs, 10 oz. You would think as much as this child likes to eat, he would already be over the 4 lb mark. But hopefully these added calories will give him a push so that he can start to put some meat on his bones. He was so eager to eat that he had trouble latching on and by the time he could relax and we could get settled, he had worn himself out. He did nurse for about 15 minutes and drank maybe about 1/2 his bottle afterwards.

They both seem to be doing well. Right now it is all about gaining some weight for them and growing. Hopefully we should see that take off this week. We are so thankful that both Alex and Charlie are doing so well and can't wait until we get to bring them home with us.

Lucy, holding hands with Charlie in his incubator

Daddy and Alex

Whoah, what's going on out here?

Sweet little Alex

NICU Day 8

After a week, I finally got to hold both boys today at the same time! Mom dropped me off at the NICU around 11:30 so that I could be there for the boys' 12 PM feeding. I took Alex's temperature and changed his diaper and then the nurse got him of his little home and he and I sat down and started to nurse. About 15 minutes later, she asked, "Do you want to try nursing both at the same time?" Well, of course! So she brings Charlie over, IV pole and all and he latched right on and there they both were, in my arms. Words can't even begin to describe what an amazing feeling it was to be able to sit and look at both of them at the same time. After they finished eating, we snuggled for about an hour before they began to get fussy. I finally had to call the nurse back and let her get Alex settled - he had pooped in his diaper and was not happy about it! She got him taken care of while I sat some more with Charlie. He calmed down enough to fall asleep, so I sat and held him some more. Alex needed to be back in his incubator though because the doctor had ordered more phototherapy for him. His jaundice level had increased again and so he needed another day or two under the lights to get things under control. It was really obvious to me when you compared his skin to that of his brother's - Charlie was much pinker and healthier looking. 

I don't have any pictures of me with both of them since no one else was at the hospital at this time with me. But there will be plenty of time for those pictures. I'm just so thankful for those few hours this afternoon of finally being able to hold both those boys together. I have been waiting for that since the moment we found out there were two.

Uncle Lattie came up for a visit at about that time. Since Charlie was still out of his incubator, Uncle Lattie got a few snuggles in too.

Uncle Lattie and Charlie

Alex, back under the bright lights

After leaving the NICU, we headed back to the house, where Lucy quickly took command of Uncle Lattie's attentions. I don't know if he was prepared or not for the onslaught of Princesses and Baby Doll play that Lucy was ready for, but he handled it like a pro. 

A lady at church dropped off two little baby dolls for Lucy to play with like her brothers. She has decided to name these babies, Baby Harper and Baby Lauren. . . blue blankets aside. She has not wanted to let go of them all evening.

After dinner, we took a quick trip back up to the NICU to let Lucy see her brothers and let Uncle Lattie say hi one more time. Both boys were sound asleep and after their busy day, they needed their rest. We only stayed long enough to check and see how they were doing.

And before we go, here are a few pictures of one happy little girl with her "Funcle." :)

NICU - Day 7

Happy one week birthday, Alex and Charlie!!

Both the boys are doing well. We went to visit right at their noon feeding. Before feeding, I got to change Charlie's diaper. Changing a tiny little diaper is hard enough, but when you throw in the incubator that holds Charlie, as well as all the wires attached to him, along with the fact that he hates having his diaper changed. . . . well, it can get to be quite a mess! We got it taken care of though, and I got to feed Charlie for about 15 minutes. He kept falling asleep, but he did eat for a while. Michael finished his feeding by giving him a bottle - he is up to 20 ccs every 3 hours so we want to make sure he is getting everything. Gaining weight is most important right now so that he can maintain his body temperature on his own.

I was afraid Alex wasn't going to have a good feeding because he seemed so sleepy. Have no fear. . . he was hungry! He fed for about 20-25 minutes and then stopped and turned his head away when he was finished. He kept his eyes closed through most of it,  but he definitely wasn't asleep. ;) He is on now on 25 ccs every 3 hours, so the nurse wanted to offer him a bottle afterward but he wasn't interested at all. Alex has also finished up with his antibiotics, so that is one less wire attached to him. Michael and I were actually able to sit next to each other while we fed the boys - it was the closest that we have been able to have the boys near each other.

After leaving the hospital, I felt so lousy. My left ear has been swollen shut and really bothering me. It kept getting worse so Michael took me to the Urgent Care. Apparently, I have an ear infection. So this evening, I stayed home with Lucy and let Grammy and Michael go check on the boys. Hopefully, it won't be a problem for me to return tomorrow. . . Michael texted and said that both boys were weighed this evening and have each gained an ounce. With the way they are eating though, it won't be long until they are packing on the pounds.

Another good day for the boys. . . we are just so thankful to be continuing to take these steps forward. I don't want to complain, because I am well aware of how much more difficult things could be at this point, but life in the NICU can be a little frustrating. I know that for me it is partly due to not feeling my best. But I am ready to hold these boys and be able to stand up without someone having to come help me. I want to be able to pick them up on my own. I want to change a diaper without having to watch out for the tiny little wires. I want to be able to sit together with both my boys next to each other. I even just want to be able to take a picture of my little family of five all together. But as always, it's not about me. . . .it's about them and what they need. And right now, at this stage of their sweet little lives, this is what they need. So please pray that I have patience, that I can keep celebrating all of their steps toward coming home and remind myself that it wont be long until they will be home and I can love on them all day long. 

NICU Day 6

It has been a great day for the boys . . .a hard day for me. Yes, they are doing just fine, but I have had to stay home due to my fever the other night. I have to be fever-free for 24 hours before I can go back. Michael has done a great job of asking questions and sending me pictures and keeping me up to date, but it isn't the same as getting to hold my boys. I have felt great today, so I've just taken it easy and tried to concentrate on resting so I have strength to take care of Alex and Charlie. So a small pity party for me, but I have to remind myself that I did just have major surgery and I can't take care of my family if I don't take care of myself.

Alright, pity party over - on to the sweetest set of twin boys ever! Michael said this little face greeted him when he arrived today around 1:00:
 

Notice anything? That's right - no more oxygen!!! Charlie has been completely weaned off of his oxygen and now he has moved into an incubator as well. Both of the boys are up to 20 oz feeds every 3 hours .. . Charlie's weight is currently at 4 lb, .5 oz and Alex is holding steady at 3 lbs, 10.5 oz but with feeds like this, they should be taking off soon. Michael fed Charlie and the nurse said that after Alex had his bottle, he was still looking around for more. I can't wait to be back with them tomorrow!!

Alex in his new bed

 Sweet little Charlie

Michael went back later this evening after dinner. Alex was wide awake while he was there, so you will finally get to see this little cutie's eyes! As Michael was holding him, he looked down and saw this face . . . .

Only to discover in the next five seconds that Alex was pooping! By the time he was able to get the nurse to come back over to help him move Alex and his wires so he could change the diaper, he had pooped again! Michael wants it known that at this current time, Daddy now holds the record for changing the most poopy diapers for the boys. I am perfectly content to let him hold onto that record if he chooses. :)

 Alex, taking it all in

Like I said, I am ready to be back with my boys tomorrow. I have missed them so much. However, it's been good to be at home with Lucy. She is, as I'm sure you can imagine, a little on the clingy side. She was very upset last night when I didn't feel well and went to lay down rather than stay up and play with her. I also had gone to rest for a little bit after dinner because my ear was bothering me (allergies acting up) and so after about 30 minutes, I hear her crying down the hall and she runs over and says, "Mommy, I was so worried about you!" Poor thing has had a lot of changes this week too. . . She's still got lots of smiles to go around though. Hopefully as we find our new normal as a family of five, she will return to all smiles all the time, like these:

Showing off her toys from her brothers and her baby doll from Uncle John and Aunt Carol

Playing with our new Cinderella magnetic dress up doll from Mrs. Becky

NICU Day 5 (Wednesday)

Another good day for the boys!


I forgot to mention yesterday that while I was holding Charlie, he also attempted to breastfeed for a while - he latched on and lasted a few minutes. He got tired very quickly, but still, the fact that he was able to shows that he will get the hang of it in no time. I have been so excited by how well both of these boys have been doing with breastfeeding. It took Lucy almost a week before she was even as successful as her brothers were on their first try!

We got to the hospital right at noon on Wednesday. The doctor had ordered the boys to have regular feedings of 5 ccs of breastmilk every three hours so they are now on a 12, 3, 6, 9 schedule. This helps us plan our visits so that I can try and plan to feed them. . . if they are awake of course. They both had an NG tube put in - this is a small tube that goes through their nose down into their stomachs. It allows the nurses to feed them without disturbing them if they are in a deep sleep. It doesn't interfere with feeding them by bottle or breast - it is just so that if they are resting, we don't have to disturb their growth! Later on, I imagine we will have to disturb them to feed them since they can't go home without being able to have all their feeds through bottle/breast. We changed the boys diapers and took their temperatures, and then I got breastfeed Alex. He was so wide awake, latched on immediately and we finally had to stop him after about 12 minutes. He was starting out getting only 5 ccs of milk, so we didn't want to overdo things right away! After he ate, we got to cuddle and he was wide awake the whole time. . . of course, I didn't have a camera then, so you can't see a picture of his sweet eyes! Michael got to feed Charlie a bottle and he drank all of it as well. After we fed them, we didn't get to hold them too long because they needed to go back under the bilirubin lights. . . these bright lights help break up the jaundice in their bodies. Lucy had the same experience when she was born, so it wasn't a surprise to us that they would need it as well. We had a great morning visit with the boys and I was so excited to go back and try to feed them again that evening.

Well, apparently my body decided it needed a little time to rest, because at dinner time, I began to feel chilled. I was running a fever of 100.5 so no visit back to see the boys for me. I called the doctor, and after running through an extensive checklist, she felt like a good night's sleep would fix things for me. Michael went back that evening to visit the boys and they were both doing really well. They had increased Charlie's feeds to 10 ccs every 3 hours and Alex to 15 ccs every 3 hours. Charlie's oxygen had been turned down to 2 L and he was handling this change very well. Alex was finished with his phototherapy treatment and was now being moved into an incubator. At first, that worried me but the nurse reassured me (via Michael) that it shows that he is much more stable. The incubator is a much more controlled environment and will reduce outside noise, allowing him to rest and grow as much as possible. He has to gain some weight now so that he can begin to maintain his own body temperature. It's just another step towards being ready to come home.

 Alex's new bed

 Charlie, snoozing under the bright lights

Alex, being chill til his new bed is ready :)

Sometimes, when I am typing out how well the boys are doing, I almost feel like I am bragging. Sure, lots of people get to take home a healthy, full term baby who has no issues and they begin their wonderful journey of sleepless nights, diaper changes, and loving on their precious child. But for others, a stay in the NICU is necessary. Still, when you look at how well our boys are doing, we are beyond blessed. I have read about through blogs of friends from high school and college who have had experiences in the NICU with so much more difficulty than mine. Currently, a friend of Michael's from high school has a little boy in the NICU who was born at 23 weeks. Her due date was only a few days ahead of mine, so as I have followed her story on her blog, I realize more and more how fortunate we were to have them hold on until 34 weeks to be born. These boys have been taking their own breaths from the beginning (even with a little oxygen help) and are already eating some on their own (bottle and breast). They are tiny, but all of their organs are in working condition and after they put on some more weight, I imagine it won't take too long for them to be able to come home. So through all of this journey, it helps me so much to keep things in perspective. Am I sad/frustrated sometimes that I am at home and not with the boys? Yes. . . . of course, I want them with me. But it won't be long until I am able to bring home two beautiful, healthy babies. There are plenty of other people in my situation who will not be as fortunate. So I am grateful for each milestone they reach. I am thankful for each breath they take and whatever lies ahead for our family in this journey, God has our family in the palm of His hand. He knows what is best and is in complete control . . .what greater blessing could there be?

Life in the NICU - Days 1-4

I am going to try my best to recap the past week. . .it's been such a blur that it will be good to write it down so I don't forget any more!

Saturday:

     I got to go down and see the boys after I finally was able to get up and out of the bed after my C section. They were both in their individual beds. Alex was still breathing room air, but Charlie had been given a nasal cannula to help with his breathing. He seemed to handle it well at times, but as you watched his chest rise and fall, you could see how hard he was having to struggle to breathe. I got to hold Charlie for a little bit. Both the boys were said to have on demand feeds - meaning, that if they seemed to want food, they would be given some.

Charlie

     Lucy came up to the NICU that evening with Grammy and Poppa. She seemed a little overwhelmed by it all and only stayed for a few minutes. However, she was very thrilled to be wearing her "Big Sister of Twins" shirt and her "I'm a Big Sister" bracelet. :)

Sunday:

Alex

Charlie

   Alex remained about the same as the night before, but Charlie's oxygen levels had been increased. He was receiving 5 L of oxygen at around 40%. The neonatologist explained to us that he had mild respiratory distress, which is why he was in need of the oxygen. They also stopped Charlie's feeds as well. Due to the increased oxygen, he was getting quite a bit of air down in his stomach; they put a tube in to help get the air bubbles out, but he still was a little uncomfortable. Both boys had received baths that morning (which the nurse said they disliked very much!) as well as x-rays. The x-rays for both boys looked great so that put our mind at ease about any unseen concerns there might have been. I held Alex that morning ( I think I have my days correct) and he tried to nurse for a little while. He latched on for a few minutes and seemed to be handling everything really well. However, the suck/swallow reflex plus remembering to breathe is a lot of work, so he tired out quickly. The lactation specialist though was impressed - that is a reflex that babies develop in weeks 34-36 during gestation, so the fact that he was able to go ahead and do that will little to no help shows great promise for the future.

Lucy came back up to visit her brothers this evening. It was a much better visit because we started down in the hospital room with just Mommy and Daddy and then went up to visit the boys. Grammy had spent a lot of time talking with Lucy about how Mommy had just had surgery and had a sore place and needed Lucy to be extra gentle. You could tell she was trying to so hard to be careful but at the same time, just needed to be loved on! We then took her up to see her brothers and she was so excited this time to get to touch them. She really seemed to enjoy watching them squirm and move. I think her initial fear of all the wires and things attached to them is beginning to wear off and she's getting more comfortable.

Lucy and Alex

Lucy and Charlie

Monday:

Monday was quite a long day - I was being discharged from the hospital, so we had paperwork to do, staples to remove (yikes!), and a car to pack up. We went up and visited the boys for a few minutes in the morning after getting everything in order, but then left since they were sleeping. It's so important right now for them to be able to have these long periods of restful REM sleep. Since babies' brains are developing up until 39 weeks gestation, their brains still have a ways to go. The only way they can allow them to develop is to have these unstimulating times of sleep that mirror life in the womb. We left and took everything home, and then came back to the hospital again after Lucy had gotten settled for the evening. That day must have been a needed day of rest for the boys because they were still zonked out when we came back by. We sat and talked with the nurse for a little while about how they were doing, but left soon after. After all, we want what is best for them which is to grow and gain their strength. So if that means that I have to go a whole day without getting to hold one of them. . . well, I guess I can live with that.

Tuesday:

Michael and I took Lucy to school and on the way there, she expressed her interest in going back to see her brothers. So we told her that we would take her back with us this evening. When we got to the hospital that morning, the boys were both getting ready for their morning assessment so Michael and I got to take their temps as well as finally change the first (of many!) diapers. (It seems so weird to me to have two little boys who are almost a week old and to say that I have only changed one diaper! Once they are home, they will make up for that, I am sure!) I sat and held Charlie Kangaroo Care style (skin to skin) while Michael had Alex wrapped up and cuddled up with him.

Daddy and Alex

 

Mommy and Charlie

Charlie's oxygen had been turned down to 4 L and 21% and his respiratory rates were the best I had seen them while he and I sat there and cuddled. His breathing was nowhere near as labored as it had been. Toward the end of the visit, he began to wake up and his eyes were wide awake and he was so alert. He locked eyes with me and we sat there and talked. Alex had slept through our whole visit so after Michael got him settled back in his bed, he came over to see Charlie wide awake. As he walked over, he said, "Hey Charlie!" and that little baby whipped his head right around and locked eyes with his Daddy - he knew exactly who was talking to him. :) We talked for a few more minutes but didn't want to get him to riled up, so we got him settled and told him we would be back in the evening.

Wide awake Charlie

After we picked Lucy up at school, we made her take a bath and change clothes to get rid of all the preschool germs. We had dinner and then back up the NICU we went. Alex was once again asleep ( I promise - he has many wakeful moments too . . .we just never seem to be able to be there for those or else we don't have the camera) but Charlie was awake and having his diaper changed. Lucy was looking at both her brothers and got very upset as she listened to Charlie cry. I don't know if she thought the nurse was hurting her baby brother or what, but she was extremely agitated until they handed Charlie to me and he calmed down. Alex and Charlie both had presents for their big sister (aren't they thoughtful?) so we let Lucy open those while she was there that evening. Charlie gave her a camera so she could take lots of pictures and Alex gave her a Cinderella doll.

Opening presents from brothers

 I got to hold Charlie again that evening, since he was wide awake. . .Alex slept through all the excitement.

 

There is a picture of four out of five of us. . . hopefully soon we will be able to get one with all five of us!

The balloons you see Lucy holding are from Jackie and Kathleen. They showed up at the NICU just as Lucy started to get fussy.. . so not only did they get to see the boys, but they got to entertain Lucy as well! ;)